This is one of those mornings where I feel it is absolutely vital I share my most ridiculous, unorganized, and fatuous ramblings with blogosphere, simply because I find myself with an Internet connection. (Are you excited yet?)
Here it is:
I am currently embroiled in a highly dramatic love-hate relationship with the breakfast burritos from the on campus deli.
Please understand that while I am aware there are much more significant issues in the world, and while I am more than completely occupied by five reading-heavy course loads, an essay due Monday, four roommates and their various significant others, my rapidly approaching LSAT exam that will surely change my life forever, and — more immediately — about forty more pages of Out of Mao’s Shadow to read for class later today, I choose to make my burrito problems first and foremost at the moment, seeing as I have one in my possession.
Here’s the thing about the breakfast burritos:
Most mornings, I am more than happy to check my email, sip a cup of coffee, and enjoy a bowl of Barbara’s Bakery All-Natural Puffins cereal (I buy in bulk to save, and mix the the original and peanut butter flavors in a 2:1 ratio in a tall, pourable Tupperware container for freshness and convenience), just barely soaked in 2% milk.
A couple times a semester, however, the breakfast burritos call unto me. Often the morning a paper is due, occasionally because (like today) I wake up to discover I am perilously low on Puffins and totally out of milk. And then I think, This is the universe telling me I must have a breakfast burrito.
And really, who am I to defy the will of the cosmos, particularly first thing in the morning, and particularly on long days like today, when I will be prepping for said LSAT and need cosmic forces on my side?
Here’s a more specific thing about the breakfast burritos:
[I hope this helps you understand.]
That’s a flour tortilla stuffed with eggs, bacon, sausage, cheddar cheese, and the most perfect breakfast potatoes ever. It also comes with pico de gallo, which happens to be one of my top ten favorite things to eat.
And these burritos, as I have said, call unto me.
They call unto me with the siren song of sausage and bacon, luring me away from my beloved, faithful Puffins to crash upon the proverbial rocky shores of burrito deliciousness and impending regret.
Because, you see, these breakfast burritos are always, always astoundingly delicious. Until I hit the exactly two-thirds mark, at which point I am instantly hit with an aching headache of indeterminable duration, and the resulting pangs of regret (and sometimes stomach pain).
And I swear to myself that the breakfast burrito was not worth the anguish, that I will never purchase one again.
Several weeks later, I will have gotten up especially early, or have worked especially hard on a paper, and I think to myself, The universe is calling me…
And suddenly I’m in the throes of joy that can only be induced by the initial bites of the USC Hospitality breakfast burrito, because the Universe has convinced me that this time only good shall come of what is inside the tortilla.
And always, I have deluded myself. And always, I instantly regret it. Though generally, I am over it by lunch. It’s a vicious cycle. A love-hate relationship.
USC Breakfast Burritos are the Devil’s candy, folks. The Universe hath joined in collusion with the Devil, in fact, to imbue these death wraps with a siren song of pure cheesy evil intended to lead otherwise responsible decision makers such as myself away from the Barbara’s Puffins path of righteousness.
Also, Chairman Mao makes an exceedingly poor breakfast date, and is likewise aligned against the forces of positive breakfast choices.